Funny SMS

Sign post outside our collage-
"Drive Carefully! Dont kill the Students, Wait for the Lecturers!".

*********
Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Tommy: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
*********

What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel.
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels.
All woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!!!!!
*********

A baby monkey asks his father, Father why r we so ugly?
The father says to him, don't stress my son u should see the one who is reading this!!
*********

Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: why three?
Husband: 4 u and ur parents.
*********

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
*********

A good friend is like a computer I 'enter' ur life, 'save' u in my heart,
'format' ur problems, 'shift' u 2 opportunities & never 'delete' u from my memory!
*********

What happened 2 ur network? I tried 2 call u but the operator said
"Welcome 2 the jungle, the monkey u r trying to call is on the tree....Plz try later."
*********

Scientists all over the world r wondering how long a human being can live without a brain...
Kindly tell them ur age...
*********

r mosquitoes religious? Yes They first sing over u & then prey on you !!
*********