funny quotes

"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"- Abraham Lincoln
"Its better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."- Abraham Lincoln
"Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless."- Sinclair Lewis
"The honeymoon is over when he phones to say he'll be late for dinner and she's already left a note that it's in the refrigerator."- Bill Lawrence
"The modern pantheist not only sees the god in everything, he takes photographs of it."- D.H. Lawrence
"An infallible method of conciliating a tiger is to allow oneself to be devoured."- Konrad Adenauer
"Why did Nature create man? Was it to show that she is big enough to make mistakes, or was it pure ignorance?"- Holbrook Jackson

"When women go wrong, men go right after them."- Mae West
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." - Jack Nicholson



"My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said .... Alright.... you're ugly too!" - Rodney Dangerfield
"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man." - George Bernard Shaw
"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it." - Bob Hope
"If you can't convince them, confuse them." - Harry S. Truman
"The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep." - Woody Allen
"Historians are the deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them." - Leo Tolstoy
"Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?" - James Thurber
"By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher." - Socrates