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A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food." The panda yells back, "Hey, man, I'm a panda. Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: "A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
Six guys are playing poker. After losing $500 on one hand, Smith clutches his chest and topples over, dead at the table. To decide who's going to tell his wife, his buddies draw straws. Anderson picks the short one. "Break it to her gently," they all urge. "Leave it to me," he says. When Smith's wife comes to the door, Anderson says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." "How much?" the wife yells, eyes blazing. "Tell him to drop dead!"
A young man called directory assistance. "Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona."
"There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix," the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?"
The young man hesitated, and then said, "Well, most people call me Ice Man."
Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over. Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?"
A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help. First, let's make sure he's really dead."
After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot. Then Joe comes back to the phone. "Okay," he says nervously to the operator. "What do I do next?"
Once there was this family that was going to Disneyland
and they came to a sign that said: Disneyland LEFT
and so they went home.
A mushroom walked into a ball room and saw a very pretty girl,
so he asked her to dance with him. "I don't dance with mushrooms," she replied.
"Well why not," the mushroom complained, "I'm a fun-guy!"
One day a mailman was greeted by a boy and a huge dog.
The mailman said to the boy, "does your dog bite?"
"No," replied the boy. Just then the huge dog bit the mailman.
The man yelled, "I thought your dog doesn't bite!"
"He doesn't," replied the boy, "that's not my dog!"
Hope u liked them!!!!!
Six guys are playing poker. After losing $500 on one hand, Smith clutches his chest and topples over, dead at the table. To decide who's going to tell his wife, his buddies draw straws. Anderson picks the short one. "Break it to her gently," they all urge. "Leave it to me," he says. When Smith's wife comes to the door, Anderson says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." "How much?" the wife yells, eyes blazing. "Tell him to drop dead!"
A young man called directory assistance. "Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona."
"There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix," the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?"
The young man hesitated, and then said, "Well, most people call me Ice Man."
Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over. Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?"
A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help. First, let's make sure he's really dead."
After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot. Then Joe comes back to the phone. "Okay," he says nervously to the operator. "What do I do next?"
Once there was this family that was going to Disneyland
and they came to a sign that said: Disneyland LEFT
and so they went home.
A mushroom walked into a ball room and saw a very pretty girl,
so he asked her to dance with him. "I don't dance with mushrooms," she replied.
"Well why not," the mushroom complained, "I'm a fun-guy!"
One day a mailman was greeted by a boy and a huge dog.
The mailman said to the boy, "does your dog bite?"
"No," replied the boy. Just then the huge dog bit the mailman.
The man yelled, "I thought your dog doesn't bite!"
"He doesn't," replied the boy, "that's not my dog!"
Hope u liked them!!!!!
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