mother-in-laws &daughter-in-laws can get along!!

Here's how you can get along with your mother-in-law or
daughter-in-law:
Choose to act in love. Don't depend on your feelings to
guide your actions. Follow God's guidance instead. No
matter how you feel, decide to act lovingly toward your
mother-in-law or daughter-in-law. Trust that once you
act in love, God will reward you and transform your
heart in the process.

Be patient with each other. Don't expect to be close
right from the start. Give your relationship the time it
needs to grow.

Bless your mother-in-law. Try applying these tips to
your relationship with your mother-in-law: love your
husband, be teachable, be yourself and relax, love your
mother-in-law and tell her you do, be patient with your
husband's mother as she tries to let him go, pray for
your mother-in-law (God can change her even when no one
else can), don't complain about your husband to other
people, keep close to your own family (you need their
support), maintain your personal relationship with
Christ, pay attention to your own marriage, don't
compare your mother-in-law to your mother (appreciate
both of them and their differences), tell your
mother-in-law how much you love her son and what a good
job she did raising him, work out holiday schedules well
in advance, give your relationship with your
mother-in-law time to grow closer, and keep your sense
of humor.

Bless your daughter-in-law. Try applying these tips to
your relationship with your daughter-in-law: be positive
and encouraging, pray for your son and daughter-in-law's
marriage, respect your daughter-in-law's different ways
of doing things, let the couple live their own lives,
don't meddle, send cards and acknowledge important days,
be sensitive about when to share your thoughts and when
to be quiet, give advice only when requested, don't set
too many expectations for your daughter-in-law to meet,
give her time and space, affirm her every chance you get
(compliment her abilities, taste, and character), be a
Christian example of love in action to her, praise much
(consider criticism poison to your relationship), don't
compare your daughter-in-law to your daughter, and have
a sense of humor.

If you're a mother-in-law, lead by letting go. Realize
that, biblically, it is the mother-in-law's
responsibility to act first by letting go of her son and
lovingly releasing him to establish his own married life
and routine. Know that, by doing so, you'll be clearing
the way for a healthy new relationship with him - and
his wife.

If you're a daughter-in-law, choose respect. Remember
that the scriptural mandate to honor your parents
extends to your in-laws as well. Show your mother-in-law
respect.

Respect the power of words. Be aware of the tremendous
power words have to bring people closer together or tear
them apart. Restrain yourself from criticizing your
daughter-in-law. Affirm her whenever you can. Give
advice only when asked, and when you are asked, keep it
brief and sweet. If you're not asked for advice on
something you care about, pray for God to send the
couple information and inspiration from another source.
Be on guard against speaking careless words. Before
deciding to speak, ask yourself, "Is what I'm going to
say true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?"

Resolve conflicts. Don't let hurts build up between you
unresolved. If one of you wounds the other (as often
happens unintentionally), deal with the issue quickly
and gracefully. Be humble and willing to admit your part
in the conflict. Forgive each other on a regular basis,
relying on God to help you do so. Use humor to defuse
awkward and embarrassing moments. If either your
mother-in-law or daughter-in-law has a destructive habit
and refuses to change, remain cordial but keep your
distance. Pray for her instead of arguing, and try to
make whatever time you do have together pleasant.

Set boundaries. Clearly define what is acceptable and
unacceptable in your relationship. For example,
mother-in-laws can agree not to drop in to visit
unannounced, but to call first. Daughter-in-laws can
agree not to assume that her mother-in-law will babysit
frequently, but only on special occasions that are
properly arranged. Both mother-in-laws and
daughter-in-laws can refrain from insisting on certain
schedules for holiday visits, and give each other the
freedom to work out whatever plan works best for them.

Bridge the gaps between you. Instead of judging each
other for your differences, be humble and recognize that
you have much to teach each other about your different
generations, cultures, and social and economic groups.
Seek to learn from each other whenever you can. Ask God
to help you accept each other. Express genuine, mutual
appreciation.

If divorce occurs, try to salvage your relationship. If
the tragedy of divorce hits your family, in many cases
you can still continue to be friends with your
mother-in-law or daughter-in-law. Don't assign blame.
Mother-in-laws should keep their opinions of the
conflict to themselves, and daughter-in-laws should
refrain from speaking negatively about their husbands to
their mother-in-laws. Mother-in-laws should also keep
their relationships with their sons separate from their
friendships with their former daughter-in-laws. Try to
view life from each other's perspective and find what
you have in common. Help each other however you can.
Adapted from The Mother-in-Law Dance: Can Two Women Love the
Same Man and Still Get Along?, copyright 2004 by Annie
Chapman. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, Or.
www.harvesthousepublishers.com.