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THE IPL's can of worms made celebs tweet all manner of things, but one that continues to have a gender ring to it long after the IPL is over was a tweet by Shilpa Shetty. When the news ran the story that on paper it was not she but her husband who was the 'owner' of the Rajasthan Royals team and that she was a mere brand ambassador, Shilpa tweeted that this was ''ridiculous'' Her logic? ''If it's his, it's mine,'' said the actress in defence.
Ummm... Is that a regressive and politically incorrect statement in a neo-feminist world? In an age where women entrepreneurs are hell bent on proving their independent identity-both professionally and financially-Shilpa's views seem a bit older than last season. Dressed in her Herve Leger dresses and Louboutin shoes, Shilpa is often hailed as a modern day icon. For her to don anything remotely unfashionable is considered an abberation.
Her late-in-life (well, by some standards anyway) marriage to a divorcee and a father of two, always ontrend power dressing, entrepreneurial and PR skills have led her to being a sort of postergirl of doing things one's own way, making your own choices, indulging yourself silly and still leading a fairytale life.
Well into her 30s, she represents for many a woman who laid it brick by brick and waited for her big opportunity. She also represents someone who not only seized that opportunity when it came her way (Big Brother) but also milked it for all its worth. That could be one reason why despite being a late bloomer, Shilpa has never quite shied away from inviting the press into her palatial mansion or her super-sized life. Even her wardrobe infected with high labels has been opened for everyone to see. This exhibitionism in her personality has often found defence in the fact that she has worked her way up in life by sweating it out and has earned herself the right. She has been open about her life and its excesses, being one of the few Indian actresses who love the Diva tag, as a personal achievement and not as something she has just acquired by marrying a billionaire.
Then admitting to acquiring the 'owner' tag automatically by being the owner's wife seems a little out of sync.
To find her tweet a view that on the face of it sounds more oldschool than on-trend does make one do a little re-check. Is Shilpa really being an old fashioned wife or is she being a new-age woman who doesn't feel ashamed of sharing her husband's fortunes as it's only natural to want to do so.
LIFESTYLE spoke to a few married, professional, urban women to find out which side of the fence are they on. In a world of joint accounts, private investments, fragile marriages and personal excesses, where exactly does money figure for equally balanced, power couples so to speak? Are men at the losing end of relationships where the woman says what's hers is hers and what's his is also hers. Is it new age feminism to proudly partake in your husband's fortunes or the new age feminists instead scowl at such blatant declaration of financial dependence? We found out that most working women don't mind sharing their money when the need arises, but are not willing to make it a daily affair. Financial independence often comes with personal space and sense of identity and compromising the former almost always translates into making adjustments in one's personality. Also, most of these girls think Shilpa's I'mwith-my-man attitude has got more to do with being street smart than old-fashioned.
Here's what they said: More than regressive, I think it's a passive way of thinking. I'm not talking in terms of modernity or liberation, but basic viability as a human being. You should find your own self worth as an individual especially in a world of equal opportunities for both genders. Anybody who likes piggybacking on other individual-whether it's your husband or your father or wife-is doing injustice to his or her own worth. I started my own interiors business a couple of years ago. My husband is in the automobile industry. He doesn't interfere in my line of work and viice versa. Though we make joint financial decisions, there is a defined financial role for both of us in the household.
I think I'm more entrepreneurial having belonged to a business family but he's better with numbers. So we both bring our won strengths to financial decisions.
I know a lot of my friends and clients who are not working and lead a comfortable life, but they often complain of something missing. Earning your money doesn't only give you financial independence but a sense of individuality. It's sad that the world we live in measures people's viability in monetary terms, but that's just the way it is.
RITU DANGWAL, 35, academician, and NIIT researcher has nothing against a joint account. She thinks it's more a matter of convenience than liberation. She says:
What Shilpa Shetty said sounded more a thing of convenience than liberation. She clearly showed how she's a street smart lass who doesn't believe in an outdated model of feminism. I mean when your husband's fortunes run into billions, it'd be utmost silly to say you don't like being a co-owner of it. Though I think Shilpa said it more out of common sense and practicality, she did manage to strike a note with old school view of marriage. It could be purely unintentional but she did manage to present to the world an image of a modern day wife who doesn't think it beneath her to live off her husband. The world we live in makes it very uncomfortable for homemakers, making them apologetic for their financial dependence on their husbands.
Where as the fact is, it's been a successful model for centuries. I'm a computer professional myself and my husband runs a production house. We lead highly independent professional lives but when it comes to finances, it's still a common pot. We don't like to segregate our funds and money is never raised as an issue. Material assets should not be divided as it only leads to distances in a marriage.
RUCHIKA MADAN SODHI, 30, graphic designer thinks there's nothing wrong in seeing your husband's money as your own. She says:
My husband works as a telecom professional, I'm a graphic designer. We both make our own money and run joint accounts for all practical reasons. I don't think it's a regressive viewpoint that Shilpa endorsed, it's in fact very practical and real. Most women who are working, don't think of it as the prime source of income for running their households. Most of us are trained to work, if need be, but not as a compulsion. It's traditionally the man's role to provide for his family, something that he also takes pride in. I don't think any man would mind if his wife wants him to provide for her. Why should women behave like hypocrites, in the bid to sound politically correct? The fact is we all enjoy if our husband makes good money. At the same time, we like treating our earnings as our pocket money. Not to say, that you wouldn't part with it if need be. In the age of DISH-double incomes same household, joint savings fund isn't an anomaly.
So if as a woman one doesn't think it wrong that you can pitch in when your husband requires you to, why think it's wrong for you to have the same level of dependence on him.
STUTI BALI GREWAL, 34, dentist, feels Shilpa's view reeks of old-school ideas of man-woman equations. She says:
It's absolutely shocking to hear a modern day icon talk like that. Shilpa, from what it seems and says, is a self made woman. She belongs to a family of strong women.
To then say, that she happily and automatically becomes owner of whatever her husband owns is a bit self depreciating I feel. It was her right to be her team's co-owner on paper and wrong to pose as one if she wasn't. She has the money, brand value and expertise to be her husband's equal and not just remain happy by being a face of what's really his. Both me and my husband are dentists and we run a joint practice. But it's never so that one of us tries to take the lead. It really is an equal partnership. We also make sure that we are both entitled to our separate funds. Not to say that we can?t dive into each others' when need be but it's only fair to have access to one's own finances. In this day and age, everyone's entitled to their own needs and justifying that to your partner can sometimes be cumbersome and unnecessary.
By being financially independent of each other, you lead a healthy life not only as a couple but also as individuals in a loving relationship.
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