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I had the same feeling as Gagan: happy with India's first-ever shooting Olympic gold, and unhappy with Gagan's lost chance. After he missed the finals at Beijing, we thought together almost immediately about the next chance. There must always be a next target...
Lazlo Szucsak, India's former rifle coach, April 2009
Next chance. There must always be a next target to get over these disappointments which litter sporting fields. But Gagan Narang, who famously shrugged off the Beijing blind alley by becoming a world record holder three months later, is now reluctant to look at the next target.
That August two years ago brought the rifle shooter a near-miss that unwittingly got magnified as Abhinav Bindra clinched India's gushing gold in the same event. At that time, Narang, had heartily applauded the champion and quietly vowed never to be second-best again. This August, the 27-year-old has spent the first week dejected as his third nomination for a Khel Ratna didn't convert into the ultimate recognition, again.
Returning home from Munich where he took time to compose his vision blurred by what he calls a blatant indifference from those who decide on these matters to his staked claims, to still pocket a bronze and win India an Olympic berth, Narang seems a little dazed.
But August '10, like August '08, has been the story of the eternal bridesmaid, all over again. The two intervening years saw the determined shooter quickly drop the cloak of disappointment from Beijing and don the coat of a consistent champion, shooting down medals at World Cups and expanding his repertoire to 50 metre Three Positions (3-P) and 50 metre Prone the small-bore events. The season of optimism, it seems, has quickly faded away, as he wonders why he didn't rise above the Khel Ratna shortlist.
Fighting the demons
A silent meltdown just before Munich saw the world No.2 freeze at the point of triggering, unable to focus on the range. Before he could fire his first shot, his rivals had already logged 20. "He was upset the previous evening, and skipped the opening ceremony. He said he found it unfair and felt neglected," coach Sunny Thomas remembers. On the day of the competition, five minutes before the event, he crunched all the muddled emotions into a simple confession to his coach. "I'm not happy, I'm sad," he'd said, before he was packed off and told to focus on the moment: the next match, the next target.
"I was reconsidering shooting the air rifle match because the news of being denied the Khel Ratna three years in a row was crushing. It was not easy to focus and I wasn't sure at all of shooting a medal, but perhaps this is the result of my preparation and not a reflection of my mental state," the shooter says. He carried on in this state of gritty grump through the next two events, and even notched up his career-best score of 1171 in 3-Position, falling just a point short of making the final. The Hyderabadi, though, isn't colouring the bronze in gold-paint.
"I am not saying this bronze is as good as gold, but it's dear to me given the circumstances. I would give myself seven on a scale of ten for winning the bronze at the world championships. Had I shot my regular final scores, I would have won the gold, but that wasn't to be. However, I feel it was a decent show considering the various obstacles," he says. His confidence may be vaporous right now, but it is his total hopelessness and utter cynicism over his future in the sport that makes stark the two-year change. "Right now I have no motivation to pick up my gun and shoot for the country. But failures are perhaps the pillars of success. I overcame the Beijing disappointment with my World Cup win. But it is very difficult to overcome such disappointments, every time," Narang says.
On an obstacle course
The Khel Ratna announcement could be the trigger-point, but it's been a rough lead-up to the World Championship for Narang. Earlier, the shooter had a frustrating experience importing a spare .177 rifle to replace his broken equipment, and Narang, who is in the middle of altering his shooting gear, was still iffy about his jacket, looking for a suit that would seem like second skin. "I have been experimenting with my jacket but did not find a perfect fit so had to stick to my old jacket. Moreover, I needed one more week of training in 3-Position event to shoot a medal," he says, adding, "Had I shot my regular final scores, I would have won the gold but that wasn't to be given the circumstances."
But the flurry of competitive activity has also contributed to mental tiredness. Unlike most other top shooters, who took a break soon after the Olympics, Narang had continued to travel the circuit in pursuit of consistency. And also to prove a point to himself, after Beijing's disappointment. August Olympics, September German League, October World Cup, December League, January Nationals, then selection trials for the World Cups held in March and April and May.
Turning up diligently at all camps and selection meets, Narang kept at it for season after season, tournament after tournament. Weariness was always round the corner, though he battled fate and form to always stay a medal prospect and climb the ranks each day. With his expanding profile and international scores, the imposing crack-shot eventually figured in the top 10 rankings of every Olympic rifle event.
Few chances to shine
The figures have never been this impressive in monetary returns, though now Olympic Gold Quest plugs the gaps in his requirements. Funding might be taken care of, but there's nothing of the multi-million endorsements like in some other sports, which makes the craving for awards like Khel Ratna even more acute. As things stand, sports like shooting find themselves in the spotlight only once in four years, and Narang attempting to studiously go about winning medals for the country in the four forgotten years in between is painfully realising how he's missed the bus at Beijing by not making the medal-grade then. "Olympics are a showcase event and so any achievement during Olympics will get noticed. However, it is up to the Government and the media to change public perception about the sport's achievements in the four years in between," he says. It doesn't help that shooting is woefully unfriendly as a spectator sport, at least in India which can only dream of the professional shooting leagues of Europe. As a result, Gagan Narang's shooting scores are not seen, merely read.
Suma Shirur, who has witnessed her own world record go almost unrecognised, believes Narang has it in him to bounce back from this disappointment. "He's very talented, and his ranking is promising. He took the last Olympics in his stride, and showed more aggression thereafter to win all those medals. I'm sure he'll use this setback too, to fuel his ambition and not get bogged down," she says.
He missed the 3-Position finals by a point but shot his personal best and needs to push his scores in 3-Position and Prone, while in air rifle he'll need to maintain consistency that will also help him raise the bar higher, and push his claims beyond doubt. Till then, it's back to the next target like his former Hungarian coach had said.
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