Small talk

I should be thanking you Admins....anyway you merged the whole lust.....!

Football match up in Heaven

Football match up in Heaven

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about football. This goes on and on with both arguing who would field the best team.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral ground between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.
"Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven.
"But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches."
"I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed, "but we've got all the officials!"

Lonely frog

Lonely frog

A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store.
His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"
"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."

Never had an argument

Never had an argument

A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years."
"Amazing," said the councelor. "How did you do it?"
"I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward."

Proper Dress Code

Proper Dress Code

A recent college graduate got hired by the human-development center of a large corporation to train the employees in proper dress code and etiquette.
One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man who was casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her.
"Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?" she said in a scolding tone.
"That's one of the benefits of owning the company," the man replied with a grin.

Wife jokes

Wife jokes

Enjoy three short funny husband wife jokes.


A Husband said to his wife One day "I don't know how you can be so stupid & so beautiful all at the same time ,"
The wife responded ," Allow me to explain ,God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me ; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !"


Tormented by her husband's infidelities a wife decided to take some decisive action. So the next night she took a magic marker pen and printed the following legend on the crotch of her panties " LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT"

A husband read an article to his wife , about how many words women use a day is 30,000.But in the case of a man it is 15,000.The wife replied "the reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men".The husband then turned to his wife and asked , "What?"

Historical

Historical

A man complains to a friend, "I can't take it anymore."
"What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks.
"It's my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!"
"You mean hysterical," his friend said, chuckling.
"No, I mean HISTORICAL," the man insists. "Every argument we have, she'll go "I still remember that time when you ...."

Cheats

Cheats

Little Johnny to Billy, "You know, Jane Smith CHEATS!"
"Why do you say that?" asked Billy.
"Well she said she'd show me hers if I showed her mine - but it turns out she hasn't got one!" exclaimed Little Johnny.

Pregnant unwed daughter

Pregnant unwed daughter

A young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant. Scared, She confides this ' news' to her mother.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did This to you?
I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature And distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the Girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the Problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family Situation, but I'll take responsibility. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However,
If there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You can try again !"

Comparison with God

Comparison with God

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked , 'Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?'
I mentally polished my halo, while I asked, 'No, how are we alike?'
'You're both old,' he replied.

Trouble for whom?

Trouble for whom?

It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him. The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car and said, Boy, are you in trouble? I'm a lawyer!
The driver looked out his window and said, No, you're in trouble. I'm a judge.

Good choice!!

Good choice!!

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway.

The wonderful Patient

The wonderful Patient

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will."
"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "May I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change."

Real Estate salesman's honesty

Real Estate salesman's honesty

"This house," said the real estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both.
"The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north."
"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.
"The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing."

Without glasses

Without glasses

Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap.
I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married."
"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you look pretty good, too!"