Small talk

**kumaranrar** · 1 January 2010, 11:46

Radio broken

Radio broken

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day, an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a sandstorm.
Several days later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained for the entire day.
"This Indian is amazing," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian failed to show up for a couple of weeks.
Finally, the director sent for him. "I have a big scene to shoot tomorrow," the director said, "and I'm counting on you. What will the weather be like?"
"Not know," replied the Indian, shrugging his shoulders. "Radio broken!"

**kumaranrar** · 1 January 2010, 11:47

Never had an argument

Never had an argument

A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years."
"Amazing," said the councelor. "How did you do it?"
"I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward."

**kumaranrar** · 1 January 2010, 11:49

Married for the 4th time!

Married for the 4th time!

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.
"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

**kumaranrar** · 1 January 2010, 11:50

Elderly womens' woes

Elderly womens' woes

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

**kumaranrar** · 1 January 2010, 11:50

"We Haven't Had Any"

"We Haven't Had Any"

A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon."
Alarmed, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago."
The manager then drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way.
"Now, what was it she wanted?"
The clerk answered, "Snow."

**kumaranrar** · 1 January 2010, 15:55

Fast driver

Fast driver

My mother has a "lead foot," so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were speeding through Georgia.
Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when the trooper walked up to the car.
"I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer.
"What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires out?"

**kumaranrar** · 1 January 2010, 18:00

Engine trouble!

Engine trouble!

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry, we still have one engine left."
A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

**kumaranrar** · 1 January 2010, 18:01

Wife's Birthday

Wife's Birthday

The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's birthday.
"A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk.
"You bet," answered the customer. "She's expecting a cruise."

**kumaranrar** · 1 January 2010, 18:02

Bowling team

Bowling team

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.
The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.
She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

**kumaranrar** · 1 January 2010, 18:02

New car

New car

A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession even to the grocery store, which was a few blocks from the house.
After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age."

**kumaranrar** · 1 January 2010, 18:03

New secretary

New secretary

The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary.
She ignored the telephone when it rang.
"You must answer the telephone," he told her irritably.
"All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly. Nine times out of ten, it's for you!"

**kumaranrar** · 1 January 2010, 18:04

Speeding ticket

Speeding ticket

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

**kumaranrar** · 1 January 2010, 18:05

Natural Death

Natural Death

After a long day at the office, Chris came home one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit was obviously dead. Chris panicked!
"If my neighbors find out my dog killed their bunny, they'll hate me forever," he thought.
So he took the dirty deceased rabbit into the house, gave it a bath and blow-dried its fur. Chris knew his neighbors kept their backdoor open during the summer, so he sneaked inside and put the bunny back into the cage, hoping his neighbors would think it died of natural causes.
A couple of days later Chris and his neighbor saw each other outside.
"Did you hear that Fluffy died?" the neighbor asked.
"Oh. Uhmm... Sorry to hear that. What happened?" Chris mumbled.
The neighbor replied, "We just found him dead in his cage one day. But the strange thing is that the day after we buried him, we went out to dinner and someone must have dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage! There are some really sick people out there!"

**kumaranrar** · 1 January 2010, 18:06

Nuts

Nuts

While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out peanuts and cokes to everyone. There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get clearance to take off.
Then the other Stewardess got a message from the Pilot that the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in line to take off, and to have everyone buckle up.
Without thinking she just announced "Please buckle up, grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off".

**kumaranrar** · 1 January 2010, 18:07

Surrounded

Surrounded

Soldier: "Sir, we are surrounded by the enemies"
Major: "Excellent ! We can now attack in any direction!!"

Small talk

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